Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Desperate - Chapter 1

So I have officially read Chapter 1 in this true to life book, Desperate, Hope for the Mom Who needs to Breathe.  All I can say is.....WOW!!  I thought I was the only one who felt like Sarah.  Why do I compare myself with other moms and try to keep up with their Pinterest meals and activities?

Way back when we decided to start a family, I had it all figured out.  I was on my way to being June Cleaver.  Well June Cleaver had it all down.  There was never a speck of dust, food was always cooked perfectly and on time.  She never had to raise her voice to Wally and the Beav.  And she NEVER gained weight!

I read all the books and took all the classes when I was pregnant with Joey.  Our house was immaculate all the time.  And than wham....labor came 3 weeks early.  Joey was fine and a healthy baby.  We came home to start the new chapter of our lives. 

I kept up the first few days, but things were starting to get a little overlooked around the house.  On my actual due date with Joey, I was in the hospital with a ruptured appendex.  Yeah we didn't see that one coming.  Spent a week in the hospital on heavy drugs away from my newborn infant.....yeah spent the whole week in tears.  After I finally came home and my family brought our son home, I was determined....even though I was on serious restrictions to get back into my pre-birth routine.  

Lol....that didn't happen.  There were all these little things that kept annoying me, the biggest one....I could not breastfeed him anymore.  I tried and tried....after all I went to the La Leche meetings and they instilled in me about the importance of breastfeeding.  The antibiotics they put me on though had a whole different idea.  I struggled and struggled with that.  Adding insult to the guilt I was already overcome with.....friends would visit and comment that apparently I wasn't back up on my feet because the house was not looking clean.  (Yeah we are not friends with them anymore.)

As children were added, my schedule was more and more off.  The house became more and more out of control (according to my OCD ways), but I was able to over look a sink of dirty dishes.  We ate, even if it was too much restaurant food.  But the major mess was always hidden from that point on.  People were only allowed in certain areas of our home.  

It always bugs me, and our house now, I am still working on keeping it clean.  I seriously struggle.  The boys just do not seems to understand mess.  Joey does at times, and will help clean his work and certain other areas.  And I have to control my OCD to point out too much that he might miss....and that is not easy.  Brayden though, will sit in a pile of spilled pretzels or crackers and not even pick them up.  He is more of a challenge in this area.

As our homeschool journey began almost 5 years ago, I tried to keep up.  But as more kids were added to that part of life, housework really got relaxed.  Scraps of art paper all over the floor, notebooks and library books all over the living room.

I have worked at letting them handle certain chores, but my Type A personality of wanting perfection affects that.  That is my own internal struggle.  Assigning out chores that I know they can handle is tough also, because tasks I think they can accomplish with minimum supervision....well don't always work. (Oh yeah...and comparing myself to other moms who seem to have it all together does not help my struggles.)

So I am at the point of Desperation.  I dread people coming to our home.  It frightens me when we have Clubs here.  I worry about people judging the pile of curriculum here without a home, the snack cabinet piled full in no organized way, the unwashed lunch dishes in the sink, the overflowing recycle bin that I didn't have time to take over yet, the basket or two of unfolded laundry, the piles of LEGOs that Joey leaves everywhere....the list goes on and on.

I breath deep after reading that paragraph and remember.....I do not live in  Better Homes and Garden layout.....I do not live in a Better Homes and Garden Layout......I live in a home where 6 people live, work, eat, play, go to school 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

So I wonder where is the mother that can find the time to make cupcakes with their kiddos and the kitchen never....ever....gets dirty.  Seriously.......I bake with my kids, but it's never that clean!

Where are the kids that just listen and do not talk back.....I think June lied to me.  Because I burn the roast and my kids do not listen like Wally and the Beav.  So do we need to move into a TV?

Now it's time for my soul searching.  Chapter 1 points out, who do you look to for your source of strength?  The Journey of Motherhood is full of difficulties.  Do you have other mothers who you can find strength with, as they are going through the same difficulties or at least similar difficulties as you are?  But not just with other mothers, do you rely on God for strength also?  Do you ask for him to help give you strength as you go through your trials each day?  

That is the goal for this chapter:

  • Remember to rely on God when you are feeling overwhelmed.  
  • Find other moms.  There are lots of mom groups in areas or talk to other moms at the park.  Look for Mom groups on Facebook.  Look to your fellow Homeschool mothers.  They will really know what it is like being with their kids 24/7 and trying to find that balance between mommy and teacher.  
  • Don't compare yourself to your mom friends.  They are their own person and families, just like you are your own person and family.  What works for them will most likely not work for you.  
  • And last but not least.....I cannot be Supermom.  My kids need me to be Mom....just mom.  I am the best mom for them, because they are my Kids.  I may not do everything right, but they will remember the fun and good times.

I leave you with information on Desperate...Chapter 1.

Linking up with other Moms who are reading this book at The Crafty Mom.

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